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(Past Wisdom from our Band "Shaman") |
11-21-10 Haiku We play at Main Street We’re going to rock our guts out Dance to the music
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We’re in Pleasanton Do not pass out on Matt’s bar Come shake your groove thing
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Haiku can be fun But sometimes it won’t make sense Refrigerator ¹
11/27/10 Main St. Brewery 830 Main Street Pleasanton, CA 94566 9:00p-12:00a Love, Mark, Renée, Will, & Bobby
¹ We didn’t write that one, we saw it on a t shirt.
***************************************** 11-8-10 Complete the lyric quiz: In our ongoing effort to keep your musical knowledge sharp, the Cocktail Monkeys have developed the following quiz to test how well you know lyrics: Take the following quiz: 1) There’s a lady who’s sure all that glitters is gold And she’s buying . . . a. some dumb crap on Craig’s List b. some glittery stuff she thinks is gold c. a pallet of T.P. at Costco d. a coffee at Starbucks
2) Imagine there’s no heaven It’s easy if you try No hell below us Above us only . . .
a. a stairway to heaven b. a thinning ozone layer c. a ceiling 'cause we're indoors d. pie
3) Deep down in Louisiana close to New Orleans Way back up in the woods among the evergreens There stood a log cabin made of earth and wood Where lived a country boy named . . .
a. Richard Milhous Nixon b. Sue c. Sioux d. Big Bad John
4) When I find myself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom . . .
a. Never bet on an inside straight b. Your zipper's undone c. PUT THAT DOWN THIS INSTANT! D. Watch that first step
If you answered a, b ,c. or d to the questions above, CONGRATULATIONS! You just won a no-expense paid trip to both of the following locations to hear the Cocktail Monkeys:
11/12/10 Broadway 102 B. South Santa Cruz Ave. Los Gatos, CA 95030 9:30p-1:30a 11/13/10 Johnny Foley's 243 O'Farrell Street San Francisco, CA 94102 10:00p-1:30a
Love,
Bobby, Mark, Renée, & Will
***************************************** 10-25-10 We know some of you were wondering We won't hold you in suspense . . . we failed spectacularly. But . . . It was more than worth it for four reasons: REASON ONE: We had so much fun. On the way down we each had to fill out rather lengthy applications / questionnaires. We were all sharing our different answers to all the questions like: “Who were your influences?” and “Why did you start performing?” (we think Bobby wrote down: The Rolling Stones to all the questions – even his address and date of birth). One of the questions was: “Who are your personal heroes?” Will said “My hero was my high school chemistry teacher who said something to me I’ll never forget” to which Mark replied “Yeah, he said ‘Sit down and shut up!’”. When we finally got there, the process was rather daunting. We would stand in line and be taken to a room (each room was bigger than the one before) where we would fill out more paperwork / answer more questions. We finally got to the very last doors – which were the biggest doors so far. While we were waiting outside for our turn, Mark said: “We’re going to audition for the Wizard of OZ!” Finally it was our turn. We walked in to one of the biggest, most opulent ballrooms we have ever seen.* The only thing in the room were three judges sitting behind a table. They asked us who we were and what we were going to do for them (we played a 90 second version of “What I like About You” – ‘cause those were the rules). We rocked it out as well as we ever have, but by the end we could tell we weren’t what they were looking for. Right at that moment, it seemed like it had been a long way to have come for all that; as we were walking out, Mark mumbled under his breath “Maybe they should call the show America’s got a Lot of Nerve”. Anyway, after that we met up with friends of ours in L.A., had a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn’t be beat, went to sleep and didn’t get up until the next morning when we all had to come home. It truly was a great experience. REASON TWO: Now we know. We all agree that we would have rather done this and failed than not done it and wondered all our lives what would have happened. REASON THREE: That’s show biz. You get told “no” a lot more times than you get told “yes” in this business (the Beatles were turned down by every record company in England). REASON FOUR: You never know. Maybe our audition will be rescued out of the trash can. Or, this wouldn’t be the first time we did something like this, and afterward someone pulled us aside and said:” Well, we don’t want you for this, but there is this other thing we’d like you for . . .” So much for all that. We have sincerely appreciated all the support encouragement we have gotten since this ordeal began. We look forward to seeing you at the next gig (which we’ll tell you about in our next e-mail) now that we have returned to our regular routine. Love, Will, Bobby, Mark, & Renée *Oh yeah, did we mention the auditions were being held in the same hotel where the Academy Awards were held for the first fifty years?
***************************************** 10-22-10 We’re not playing any bars or clubs this weekend So you might be wondering why we are sending you an e-mail.
Well . . . funny story actually . . .
(We know a few of you have already heard this one before):
Renée, Will, Bobby, & Mark
***************************************** 10-11-10 The Cocktail Monkeys CD release party Drum roll please:
Ladies and Gentlemen . . .
THE DEBUT CD FROM THE COCKTAIL MONKEYS HAS ARRIVED!!
That’s right boys and girls, the new phone books are here! Last July, we got up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across our head, went into the studio, actually played some songs, and now the fruits and vegetables of our labors exists in a form you can hold in your hot little hands. Yes, it’s a real honest to goodness CD.
The CD contains the following music:
But wait, there’s more! In addition to all that, the CD contains the following bonus tracks:
Black Velvet (Trail mix) Chain of Fools (Cake mix) Mercy (Tom mix) Magic Man (Checks mix) Dancing in the Streets (Brownie mix) Rock Me Right (Stuh mix)
Now, we know what you’re saying: “Where, oh where, can I get one of these fine items?” Well, we’re glad you asked. You can acquire one (or more) of these top quality digital objects at our CD release party. Normally, the CD’s will be sold for $10.00, but for those of you who come to our CD release party, the cost will only be $5.00. This is definitely a one night offer. So, we’re hoping all you who have been asking us “do you have a CD?” all these years will come on out.
As if that weren’t enough, Friday we’ll be performing at Maggie McGarry’s on Friday and at the Half Moon Bay Pumpkin Festival on Sunday. That gives you more choices – in case you don’t particularly care for level ground, or if you just really dig pumpkins, you could hear us on Sunday instead.
10/15/10 Maggie McGarry's, 1353 Grant Street, Between Vallejo & Green, North Beach, San Francisco - 10:00p-1:30a 10/16/10 Main St. Brewery CD Release Party!!!! 830 Main Street, Pleasanton, CA 94566 9:00p-12:00a 10/17/10 Half Moon Bay Pumpkin Festival Half Moon Bay CA 10:00a-11:30a Love,
Renée, Will, Bobby, & Mark
***************************************** 9-28-10 Many different C-Monkey shows this weekend This Friday, we’ll be playing at the Saint Francis Cabrini Fiesta. We said it last year, we’ll say it again next year, we’re going to say it now - One word why you should come to this show (hint: not to hear us – if for no other reason, that’s more than one word). O.K., Ready for the one word: margaritas! They make the best margaritas at this festival. Our favorite part is the shot of Grand Marnier they add. It just puts the whole thing over the top. Mmmmmmm!
***************************************** 9-21-10 A quiz In the interest of promoting your cerebral health, the Cocktail Monkeys thought we’d pass along this little brain teaser that was sent to us:
Ahem . . .
Mary's father has five daughters:
Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and . . . ?
What is the name of the fifth daughter?
If you answered Nunu, we’re afraid you were incorrect. To get the correct answer – or to brag about how smart you are - you’ll have to come to:
9/25/10 Broadway 102 B. South Santa Cruz Ave., Los Gatos, CA 95030 408-354-4303 9:30p-1:30a
Love,
Bobby, Mark, Renée, & Will
****************************************** 9-14-10 A healthy Cocktail Monkeys This Saturday we’ll be performing at Whole Foods in celebration of their 30th anniversary. In honor of this occasion, we thought we’d forgo our usually unhealthy, copious quantities of distilled and fermented beverage content and perform more in the spirit (no pun intended) of Whole Foods.
So with an attitude towards good health, the Cocktail Monkeys will be making the following modifications to some of our songs:
Living on a Prayer (no MSG)
Should I Stay or Should I Go (free range)
Brown Eyed Girl (organic)
Play That Funky Music (locally grown)
What I Like About You (sulfide free)
Alright Now (no pesticides)
Come enjoy these healthy alternatives to the regular high calorie, low nutritional value songs.
9/18/10 Whole Foods 1690 S. Bascom Ave Campbell CA 11:00a-2:00p
Love, Will, Bobby, Mark, & Renée
************************************* 9-11-10 Our performance this weekend . . . . . . is this Saturday from 1:10 to 2:30 at Troopfest for Operation Care and Comfort. They are a non-political, non-profit organization supporting troops overseas and military families. To learn more about it than we could ever tell you, go to:
Renée, Will, Bobby, & Mark
******************************** 8-26-10 Our drummer had the weirdest dream. He tells it this way (and he insists he did not make this up): I dreamed I was in a Hollywood movie . . . and I was the star of the . . . sorry; I couldn’t help it . . . I dreamed I was in charge of the sound system for Mick Jagger. We were at the ocean, and he had me set up all the equipment in these high rocks. Then, as I ran the sound equipment, Mick performed two songs to a passing train that was running down the beach. Afterwards, Mick’s people climbed up to me and started complaining about how the sound wasn’t very good, and I replied: “Hey! It’s your equipment!” Then they left – grousing about the poor sound quality all the way. As they were walking away down the beach – still griping – I thought to myself: You know what? Next year, I’m just going to have the Cocktail Monkeys do the gig! Come discuss dream symbolism with Will at the following location: 8/29/10 Palo Alto Festival, University Avenue, Palo Alto, 10:30a - 12:30a Love, Mark, Renée, Will, & Bobby
***************************************************** 8-16-10 The following conversation took place between Will and Renée: (Interior, night) WILL: WILL: RENÉE: WILL: RENÉE: RENÉE: WILL: RENÉE: WILL: RENÉE: WILL: RENÉE: WILL: RENÉE: (and . . . . . . scene!) So, for those of you who were thinking that two nights of C-Monkeys would be one night too many: fugitaboutit. Our pledge to you is that our sets on the two nights will be like snowflakes; no two alike*. That means we’ll be expecting y’all all weekend.
8/20/10 Pleasanton Concert in the Park, Downtown Pleasanton 7:00p-8:30p 8/21/10 Main St. Brewery, 830 Main Street, Pleasanton, CA 94566 9:00p-12:00a Love, Bobby, Mark, Renée, & Will
*Of course there’ll probably be a few songs that get played both nights, ‘cause they’re so darned popular. But that’ll be O.K. because those are the songs you like so much!
***************************************************** 8-2-10 Soon to be a major motion picture! (Deep narrator’s voice:) The forces of evil, greed, and boredom thought they could get away with it. There was just one thing they hadn’t counted on . . . (Fanfare) THE COCKTAIL MONKEYS! Starring: Bruce Willis as Mark St. John! (“Yippee-ki-yay, Stratocaster!”) Al Pachino as Bobby A.C.! (“Will, you're my drummer, and I love you, but don't ever take sides with anyone against the band again. Ever.”) Renée Zellweger as Renée! (“You had me at ‘1-2-3-4’ ”) Christopher Walken as Will Diamond! (“I need more caoubell!”) Now playing! For show times and locations, see below:
8/5/10 - Campbell Summer Concert Series, 70 N. First Street, Campbell, CA - 6:30pm - 8:00pm 8/6/10 - Maggie McGarry's, 1353 Grant Street, San Francisco CA - 10:00pm -1:30am 8/7/10 - Fiesta de Artes, Los Gatos Town Center Grounds, Main Street, Los Gatos CA - 4:00pm -6:00pm Love, Will, Bobby, Mark, & Renée
***************************************************** 7-29-10 We’ve never sent out two notices for the same show before, but this show is special:
Saturday, July 31st. Number One Broadway 102 South Santa Cruz Avenue, Los Gatos, CA 95030-6708 9:30-1:30
If you were thinking of going out this Saturday, come to our show. Bring a friend (expose someone new to the Cocktail Monkeys¹).
Love, and thanks again (and we promise it will be a while before we send out two e-mails in one week again),
Renée, Will, Bobby, & Mark
¹ That makes us sound like we’re some sort of disease. That’s not what we meant; you know what we mean.
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7-27-10 Not our usually unusual notice This one will be unusually usual instead There are no venues in the south bay that we play – which is a drag if you live in the south bay. There’s a place called Number One Broadway, but they don’t let Bands Like Us play there.¹ Through circumstances too horribly twisted to explain here, they’re giving us a chance. But in order for this to work, we’re going to need your help. Not to put too fine a point on it, if you were planning on coming out to hear us any time in the near future, it needs to be this Saturday. It would be great if you came out to hear us. It would be even greater if you could bring a friend. The bad news is that the cover will be $5. The good news is that we usually put on a $10 show – so it's like you’ll be making $5!² If enough of y’all can come out this Saturday, it’ll be a win-win-win: the club will make money (you doing your part to stimulate the economy – heck! It’s patriotic!), we’ll have another nice venue to perform in, and – most importantly – all of you who live in the south bay will have a nice place to hear us that’s just a hop, skip, and a jump from your homes.
7/31/10 - Number One Broadway, 102 South Santa Cruz Avenue, Los Gatos - 9:30-1:30 So, to paraphrase Bluto Blutarsky: “Who’s with us?” Love, and thanks, Mark, Renée, Will, & Bobby ¹We’re not making that up. We’ll explain when we see you. ² Old Steve Martin joke. ***************************************************** 7-19-10 Mark is amazing! Let us tell you how this usually goes: Your average band will have a sound person. For those of you who don’t know they’re the person who Takes Care Of The Sound for a band. While the band is playing, if someone is too loud, the sound person will turn them down. If someone isn’t loud enough, the sound person will turn them up. The most important job a sound person has though, is to eliminate feed back; the really awful sound you hear sometimes when a microphone accidently gets too close to a speaker. Typaccaly it will be that piercing “heeeeeeeeeeee” sound that makes you bleed from your ears, or that really low “WHUUUUUUUUUUUUH” sound that begins to liquefy your internal organs. That’s how your average band does it. We do it a little bit differently . . . Mark is the guy responsible for how good we sound. He’s really good at it. Let us tell you how good: We were playing this show a week or so ago. Normally we get to do a sound check. That’s when we find out if we have any feedback problems. This time though, we could not have a sound check (a wedding was taking place in the next room). So, when we started, of course not only did we have wicked feedback, but we had both kinds. At the same time. During the first song. As we played the feedback got louder and louder. It looked like disaster. But look up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s Mark! Mark was able to eliminate all the feedback. With one hand. While playing. The Cocktail Monkeys went from being about 30 seconds away from ruining the wedding to being the heroes – as usual. And it was all because of Mark. Thank you Mark! If you watch very carefully, you can see Mark do that voodoo that he do so well this Saturday at:
7/24/10 Johnny Foley's, 243 O'Farrell Street, San Francisco - 10:00p-1:30a
Love, Bobby, Mark, Renée, & Will *************************************************************** 7-8-10 And the hits just keep on coming This week we have a festival – and something completely different. Festivals are always a nice change of pace: you get to be out in the sun, you get to walk around and drink*, and after you hear us, it’s still early enough to go do something else. That will be on Sunday. Friday however, will be rather unusual. We’ll be playing at a place called St. James Gate. Here’s the crazy part: we’re only playing two thirty minute sets (we believe there will be another band playing when we’re not). So here’s what’s cool about coming to this gig: it will only be the best of the best C-Monkey songs, you can hear a whole other band, and if you don’t like the other band, you can actually hang out and visit with us ‘cause our break’s going to be really really long (you know – while that other band is playing). To tell the truth, the Friday show will be an “audition”; for the Powers That Be to decide if we’re good enough for their bar. So a show of support would be sincerely appreciated. This Weekend:
7/9/10 St. James Gate, 1410 Old County Road, Belmont - 10:30p - 11:00p & 12:00a - 1:00a 7/11/10 Los Altos Art & Wine Festival, Los Altos - 2:00p-6:00p Love, Renée, Will, Bobby, & Mark *without having to be on the Vegas Strip
*************************************************************** 6-30-10 Feast or famine Or more accurately, famine or feast. We only played twice in June. That might be a record for fewest gigs in a month for the C-Monkeys. During June, people would stop us on the street (or at restaurants, or at our jobs, or once in a public restroom we think), and the following paraphrased conversation would take place: LOYAL FAN: Hey, where are you playing this weekend? C-MONKEY: We’re not playing this weekend. LOYAL FAN: AW MAN! THAT SUCKS! Well jocko, those days are over! In stark contrast to June, July might be a record for the most gigs in a month. For instance, just this weekend, you have three, three, three choices for your listening/dancing/drinking pleasure:
7/2/10 Maggie McGarry's, 1353 Grant Street, Between Vallejo & Green, North Beach, San Francisco - 10:00p-1:30a 7/3/10 Main St. Brewery, 830 Main Street, Pleasanton, CA 9:00p-12:00a 7/4/10 Half Moon Bay Brewing Company, 390 Capistrano Rd., Half Moon Bay, CA - 4:00p-8:00p Added bonus: at one of these gigs you could even get sand in your pants if you try. Come Feast with us,
Mark, Renée, Will, & Bobby ********************************************************* 6-24-10 Hi! Remember us? We were that band that you heard. You remember! We played that time at that place. There were those people there. C’mon, you remember! We played those songs. No, no, not the Cock¹ Tale Monkeys; the Cocktail Monkeys. Yeah, that’s right! We used to play almost every weekend. Yes, we know, we know; it’s been almost a month. We’ve been Recharging Our Batteries². We’re tanned³, rested, and ready for a jam packed summer season. Come see what three weeks of rest does to a band. 6/25/10 Fortino Winery, 4525 Hecker Pass Hwy, Gilroy, CA 95020 - 6:00p-10:00p Love, Bobby, Mark, Renée, & Will
¹ As in rooster. What were you thinking? ² We’ve also been making a CD, but that’s another story. ³ Well, Will isn’t tanned. Will doesn’t tan. That boy only comes in two colors: alabaster white, and lobster red.
******************************************************************* 6-1-10 Dang, we almost forgot! We're playing the Pleasanton Street party on June second from 6 to 9. (How’s that for concise?) Love, Will, Bobby, Mark, & Renée ********************************************************************* 5-25-10 Choices People love choices. People insist on choices. Paper or plastic, cash or charge, isle or window, smoking or non-smoking, Coke or Pepsi.* People want choices. Do you know why you should love this band? Because we give you choices. Some other bands; you can only hear them on this particular date and that particular place for this particular amount of money. Us? Why, we’re the choice band. You have dozens of different places to hear us, and we play more often than reruns of Law and Order. And talk about your song choices! If you don’t like one song we’re playing, just wait around for about three minutes and fifty seconds. We’ll be on to a completely different song. Heck, sometimes we sound like a family of six all fighting over the car radio on a four hour trip. Take this weekend for instance: Do you want a trendy, hip, cosmopolitan setting, or a laid-back, family friendly, seaside setting? Saturday we’ll be at Maggie McGarry’s in San Francisco. Sunday we’ll be playing in the afternoon in Half Moon Bay at the Half Moon Bay Brewing Company. It’s time to make a choice. 5/29/10 Maggie McGarry's, 1353 Grant Street, Between Vallejo & Green, North Beach, San Francisco - 10:00p-1:30a Love, Mark, Renée, Will, & Bobby *With thanks to George Carlin – ‘cause we kind of ripped him off. ***************************************************************** 5-19-10 A new venue Once again, we’ll be playing a new club this week. It’s called the Ultra Lounge. That’s a new name. It’s in a new location. They have new furniture. The liquor is new (except for that really old bottle of stuff you can’t afford – it’s better not to ask how much it costs, and anyway for how much it does cost, it’s not really not that much better than the stuff you and your friends always drink, but we digress). They’ll be new people there (well, not new people, ‘cause you have to be over 21 to get in, but you know what we mean). Some of them will show up in new clothes. They’ll dance new dances. Between 0 and 100% of them will be celebrating their new job. There’ll be that group of people who went to see that new movie. They keep a gnu in the back. We knew this would happen. Come enjoy the newness of it all.
5/21/10 Sanctuary Ultra lounge, 2369 First Street, Livermore - 10:00p-1:30a
Love,
Bobby, Mark, Renée, & Will ***************************************************************** 5-12-10 Final performance at the Cardinal (probably) We heard from another band that plays the Cardinal that it was closing in June. We called to confirm if that was true. If they are closing, that would be a big deal. Almost any bar band that’s played in San Jose for the last forty years has played the Cardinal. Anyway, for reasons we’ll never fully understand, when we called to confirm if it was true that they were closing, they wouldn’t give us a definitive answer. They’re probably closing in June, and they’re probably moving to a new location sometime after that. Now, it bugs us when some band says it’s that last time they are going to play someplace, and then a month or so later, they are right back in the same place. So we don’t want to say that this will be the last time, but it will probably be the last time. The place has a lot of history, and it pretty much is the only south bay venue we play as of now, so you’ll probably want to come out to hear our probably last performance there – probably. Saturday, on the other hand, we’ll be at the Main Street Brewery in Pleasanton. It will not be our last show there (probably - who knows? Do we look like Nostradamus?). This week's line up: 5/14/10 The Cardinal, 3197 Meridian, San Jose - 9:30p-1:30a 5/15/10 Main St. Brewery, Main St. Brewery, 830 Main Street, Pleasanton - 9:00p-12:00a
Love, Will, Bobby, Mark, & Renée *********************************************************************** 4-29-10 Mmmmmmm
5/1/09 Maggie McGarry's, 1353 Grant Street, Between Vallejo & Green, North Beach, San Francisco - 10:00p-1:30a Love, Renée, Will, Bobby, & Mark |
